Wintry day, cold wind howl, if snowflake are same each piquant elf, below confused sift.
冬日，寒风呼啸，一片片雪花如同一个个调皮的小精灵，纷纷落下。
When a dusk, the sun already fell next halves. Street car bearer is gone to, everybody is being driven come home, after all who is willing to wait for be in so cold place. Liu Tian of —— of a teenager, he is overflowing aimless ground to going. Going, he discovers suddenly, be in nearby, a purse is lying in that silently. Liu Tian went straight towards the past hastily, pick up purse begins everywhere look around, but the host of purse had gone. Does Liu Tian think of: anxiously? Thirsty of wicking stand upright of the window that confuse Fu steals Su Yu mace like that hole of Yao of フ of reason live abroad cleans out mace of Yu of Su of ㄔ of Tiao of Qiang of reason of of of ブ approach however ! ?
在一个黄昏时，太阳已落下一半。街头车来人往，所有人都在赶着回家，毕竟谁愿意待在这么冷的地方呢。一位少年——陆天，他正漫无目的的地走着。走着走着，他突然发现，在不远处，一个钱包正静静地躺在那。陆天急忙地奔了过去，捡起钱包开始四处张望，但钱包的主人已经走了。陆天着急的想到:该怎么办呢？是在这里等还是去找？犹豫之下，他还是决定在这里等待。。
Liu Tian begins to wait in place. Slowly, dusk passed quickly, the night is forthcoming, sky red fizzle out one piece, multicoloured, still bring a few black slightly, beauty comes extremely. Open air begins some to shake, but after thinking, still decide to await. At this moment, an adult walked over, he wears a feeble dress, pitch-black hair, straightforward body. He sees Liu Tian awaits here all the time, start to talk the inquiry: &Ldquo; how are you here all the time? ” counted Liu Tian to tell him its course. I accompany “ otherwise you wait together. ”“ hum. ” not a little while, a middleaged man walked over, do you see say “ my purse? ” listens, liu Tian gave that man purse. “ thank, thank. That man talk thanks ” too, went hurriedly. I call “ Xu Ming. I call ”“ Liu Tian. ” then, they became a friend.
陆天便开始在原地等候。慢慢地，黄昏快过了，黑夜即将来临，天空一片红一片黄，五颜六色，还略带一些黑色，美丽至极。露天开始有些动摇，但思考之后，还是决定等待。这时，一位大人走了过来，他身穿一件单薄的衣服，乌黑的头发，笔直的身躯。他见陆天一直在这里等待，便开口询问道:“你怎么一直在这里呀？”数陆天便把事情的经过告诉了他。“要不我陪你一起等吧。”“嗯。”不一会儿，一位中年男子走了过来，说道“你们看见我钱包了吗？”听完，陆天把钱包给了那位男子。“谢谢，谢谢。”那位男子道过谢，便匆匆地走了。“我叫徐明。”“我叫陆天。”于是，他们便成为了朋友。
Later, ground of Liutian be perfectly satisfied came home. After dusk passes, the night comes, the street that bright and clear month illumination fills love in this on the road.
之后，陆天心满意足地回家了。黄昏过后，黑夜来临，皎洁的月光照在这条充满爱心的街道上。
The article is dummy a story that makes cold wind warm, full text narrates nature, the depict to the thing completely, the topic that lets a composition through shaping a character image that find pleasure to help others is more specific. Composition language is clear and coherent, the structure is whole, the clue is coherent, join between context close together, this are done well, nevertheless the composition also is put in a few problems. Narrate just personally in the composition more laggard, the adult that the teacher feels a dress is feeble accompanies Liu Tian to wait for this link to do not have together necessary write, because it does not have too great help to the theme, OK and direct cancel. What write whole is pretty good still, write about that paragraph of draw of the environment among them very marvellous, but the story lacks rationality, need attention, hope you can make persistent efforts!
本文虚构了一个让寒风都温暖的故事，全文叙述自然，对事情的描写有头有尾，通过塑造一个助人为乐的人物形象让作文的主题更加明确。作文语言通顺，结构完整，情节连贯，上下文之间衔接紧密，这一点做得不错，不过作文也存在一些问题。作文中个别地方的叙述比较拖沓，老师觉得一个衣着单薄的大人陪陆天一起等这个环节没必要写，因为它对主题没有太大的帮助，可以直接删去。整体而言写的还不错，其中关于环境的那段描写很棒，但是故事缺乏合理性，需要注意，希望你可以再接再厉！