This year summer vacation, I and mom arrive together the treasure Mount Hua with a look beautiful scenery.
今年暑假，我和妈妈一起来到句容景色优美的宝华山。
Just took an entrance door, it is an old small Mu Qiao, it is below clear the brook that sees an end, there is drizzly mist above. Everybody looked, stand on the bridge, as if on the bridge in elfland like.
刚进大门，就是一座古老的小木桥，下面是一条清澈见底的小溪，上面则弥漫着蒙蒙的薄雾。所有人看了，站在桥上，都仿佛在仙境之桥上似的。
We continue to go to in go, ancient town appears in us before! I look toward left hand side, there are a few boats on one pool clear water. Walk into ancient town, steps of on a few rank stone, it is a high mountain at the moment, because of the know exactly about sth is incomputable also wide step above hill, so, people can relax to be on the top part of hill loosely gently.
我们继续往里走，古镇就出现在我们的面前！我往左手边看看，一池清水上漂着几条小船。走进古镇，上几阶石梯，眼前是一座高山，因为山上面有数也数不清的宽大台阶，所以，人们就可以轻轻松松地走上山的最高处。
Imperceptible, day already very black, all paper lantern shined gradually. The light in corridor is bright, will go up from big stone perpendicular and the chute below enlightened. People is crowded come to those who go squeeze, I am pulling mom's hand, ask: “ mom, when to begin a show? ”“ estimates what can begin very quickly. ” says like mom place as expected in that way, the performance began. Water mist is being enveloped, every time at this moment, total somebody tells the story about character of Chinese ancient time. But, the voice of people is too loud, can give voice sometimes cover. Watched a show, ground of my be reluctant to part with left treasure Mount Hua.
不知不觉，天已经很黑了，所有的纸灯渐渐亮了起来。走廊里灯光明亮，将从大石头上垂直而下的瀑布照亮了。人们挤来挤去的，我牵着妈妈的手，问：“妈妈，什么时候开始表演呀？”“估计很快就会开始的。”果然如妈妈所说的那样，表演开始了。水雾笼罩着，每当这时，总有人讲关于中国古代人物的故事。可是，人们的声音太响，有时会把声音给盖住。看完了表演，我恋恋不舍地离开了宝华山。
I love the treasure Mount Hua with beautiful scenery!
我爱景色优美的宝华山！
Ding Mengqi's classmate, what composition of your this travel notes writes is very pretty good, the structure is complete and clear, arrangement organization is very reasonable also, the composition also spreads out depict according to dimensional order, very systimatic. Your composition language expression is very accurate, but the composition is not quite vivid figure, why to meet such? We know, want to let a composition become vivid, specific, want to apply learns rhetorical skill and appropriate adjective to wait a moment, the teacher on the class has taught everybody to be opposite certainly incorrect. When the hope is writing this kind of composition next time, in wanting to use these methods into his composition conciously, go. Next, write travel notes composition, the scenery that must choose to have a characteristic has picture, do not need reach every aspect of a matter, arrive two setting can, but must write specific. Cheer, believe next time your contribution will be stronger oh ~
丁梦琪同学，你的这篇游记作文写的很不错哦，结构完整清晰，安排组织也很合理，作文也按照空间顺序展开描写，很有条理哦。你的作文语言表达很准确，但作文不够生动形象，为什么会这样呢？我们知道，想让作文变得生动、具体，要运用所学的修辞手法以及恰当的形容词等等，课上老师一定教过大家对不对。希望下次在写这类作文时，要有意识地将这些方法用进自己的作文中去。其次，写游记作文，一定要选择有特点的景物进行描写，不需要面面俱到，一到两个场景即可，但一定要写具体。加油哦，相信下次你的来稿会更棒的哦~