In future, there is a plane in every other people.
在未来，每户人家里都有一架飞机。
The friend says her home also has a plane, those who take her home, I say your home airlines opens every day, my home airlines does not open all the time, a bit wasteful, so, I am multiplied with him got on a plane to go to the United States amuse oneself circuit.
朋友说她家也有飞机，乘她家的吧，我就说你家飞机天天开，我家飞机一直都不开，有点浪费，所以呢，我就和他乘上了飞机去美国游玩一圈。
Original plane wants ten minutes to be able to fly only, but we lowered rate unluckily a lot of. We flew 9 talents arrive, we everyday food is in day aerial, serve what buy in the area, inside those who eat is very delicate.出自 wwW.zuoWEnBA.nEt
本来飞机只要十几分钟就能飞到，但是我们偏偏把速度降低了许多。我们飞了一两天才到，我们每天的食物都是在天空中的，服务区里买的，里面的吃的十分美味。
In the evening, we are returned and in the home on land people chats with the mobile phone. We went to the United States, the beautiful scenery over there discovery is very much, but we feel these beautiful scenery are not much, we passed a few days to come back, because have a thing, came back so. After all when the United States goes? We have a plane. We come back when go the long way round designedly. We in the evening when the picture that took lots and lots of beauty.
晚上，我们还和在陆地上的家人们用手机聊天。我们到了美国，发现那里的美景十分多，但是我们觉得这些美景并不多，我们过了几天就回来了，因为有事情，所以就回来了。毕竟美国什么时候去都行吗？我们有飞机。我们回来的时特意绕远。我们晚上的时候拍到了许许多多美丽的图片。
When we go back, family member very enjoy these pictures, feel they are very beautiful.
我们回去时，家里人都十分欣赏这些照片，觉得它们十分美丽。
This article is complete unlike is already the student of 5 grade draws up, no matter be the clue design of the story, still write a language, special lack, the question of existence is very much. So, want to cause oneself enough attention to this. Above all the writing thought of this article is very ambiguous, just introduce oneself and friend to go to the United States by plane, so you are the beauty that wants to reflect the United States, what still did not live is convenient, of the society develop, the progress of science and technology? But your article does not look however. At the same time the language is conveyed very not clear and coherent, and still repeat Suo, like speaking as the spoken language between two people. These problems need yourself to take seriously rise, the hope sees your progress.
这篇文章完全不像是一名已经五年级的学生写出的，无论是故事的情节设计，还是写作语言，都非常缺少，存在的问题很多。所以，对此要引起自己足够的重视。首先这篇文章的写作思想很不明确，只是介绍自己和朋友乘飞机去美国，那么你是想体现美国的美丽，还是未来生活的便捷，社会的发达，科技的进步？但是你的文章却看不出。同时语言表达很不通顺，并且还重复啰嗦，就如同两个人之间的口语对话一样。这些问题都需要你自己重视起来，希望看到你的进步。