Do you know what happiness is? I can tell you to a kind of happiness makes mother love.
你知道幸福是什么吗？我可以告诉你有一种幸福叫母爱。
In the morning with a biting cold wind, I had not waked up be neighed neigh the deepfry sound of ” gives by a “ noisy woke. As usual gets up dining-room goes eating breakfast after washing gargle, see mom is wearing feeble dress to stand before boiler only, “ neighs the oily be soiled of hoarse ” resembles the dress that gush goes to mom whiteness like fountain going up. Should know mom is lovely at ordinary times and clean! I cannot bear a bit heart, but still kept back.
在一个寒风刺骨的早晨，我还没睡醒就被一阵“嘶嘶”的油炸声给吵醒了。照例起床洗漱后去餐厅吃早饭，只见妈妈穿着单薄的衣服站在锅前，“嘶嘶”的油渍像喷泉一样喷到妈妈洁白的衣服上。要知道妈妈平时可爱干净了！我有点不忍心，但还是忍住了。
Mensal in the sky resemble big green, I am taking the dialect of blame to say to mom: “ mom, how had still done not have? ”“ came. ” mom is carrying …… of beefsteak, biscuit, bizarre fruit, wow! A lot of my love eats! These cate woke up sleep deeply thoroughly the appetite in my heart, take everything into one's own hands of ground of my too impatient to wait goes. But mom says however: “ son, you are worn too less, wear more into house rapidly a bit, can catch a cold otherwise! ” I am helpless, was forced to add an eider down to take into house, wear like a bamboo shoot.
餐桌上空得像大草地，我带着责怪的语调对妈妈说：“妈妈，怎么还没好？”“来了来了。”妈妈端着牛排、面包、奇异果……，哇！有好多我爱吃的！这些美食彻底唤醒了沉睡在我心中的食欲，我迫不及待地一把抓过去。可妈妈却说：“儿子，你穿得太少了，赶紧进屋多穿一点，不然会感冒的！”我无奈，只好进屋添了一件羽绒服，穿完像一个竹笋。
I return table again, there is apparently ugly oily floodwater on low-lying land on the clothes that sees mom whiteness, can't help asking: “ mom, why don't you wear apron today? The dress that is stained with oily be soiled accords with your disposition not at all! ” . Mom listened, it is to be stupefied first, laugh again then, say warmly to me: “ it doesn't matter, forgot today! ” . I see mom is lying, should be to do breakfast to have not enough time to wear to me. I am a little ashamed. “ ah sneeze ” mom hit a sneeze, do not know how, this sound is deafening in my ear. Alas! Mom is so good to me, I however …… , clip has a bread, I feel to hoisting jack is weighed, how to also carry do not rise, . I think this should be the mother love that portion breakfast was full of heavy. I am eating breakfast at the same time, also observing mother at the same time. It is so amiable that mom's gratified look appears in lamplight.
我再次回到餐桌，看见妈妈洁白的衣服上有明显难看的油渍，不禁问道：“妈妈，你今天为什么不穿围裙呀？沾满油渍的衣服一点也不符合你的性格啊！”。妈妈听了，先是一愣，接着又笑了笑，温暖地对我说：“没什么，今天忘记了！”。我一眼就看出来妈妈在撒谎，应该是为了给我做早餐来不及穿。我有些惭愧。“啊嚏”妈妈打了一个喷嚏，不知怎的，这声音在我耳中震耳欲聋。唉！妈妈对我这么好，我却……，夹起一片面包，我觉得有千斤重，怎么也抬不起来，。我想这应该是份早餐充满了沉甸甸的母爱。我一边吃着早餐，一边也观察着妈妈。妈妈欣慰的目光在灯光中显得是那么的慈祥。
Eat a meal, I go going to school. Spit fell in sky, is knowing in my what run in wind eye rain or tear?
吃完饭，我去上学。空中下起了小雨，在风中奔跑的我眼中不知是雨还是泪？
The first nature paragraph the means that answers oneself with ask oneself is derivative the gist —— mother love that you should express. Nevertheless you can expand again, convey your feeling to mother love. Of intermediate part narrative very clear, the statement is very fluent, paragraph administrative levels is very Anacreontic also. And rise through mom early, prepare breakfast attentively for you, and because mom is anxious the details that forgot to wear apron will convey gave mom to love to yours, if the back that you cook can give mother in this process or mom looks attentively at you to have a meal the appearance that happy face handles a calm case, meticulous depict, the meeting is more marvellous! Final winding-up stage should undertake around happiness again lyric, so OK better pertinent.
第一自然段用自问自答的方式引出了你要表达的主旨——母爱。不过你可以再扩展一下，表达一下你对于母爱的感受。中间部分的叙事很清晰，语句很流畅，段落层次也很明朗。而且通过妈妈起早，细心地为你准备早餐，以及妈妈因为着急忘了穿围裙的细节来表达出了妈妈对你的爱，如果能在这个过程中把妈妈给你做饭的背影或者妈妈注视你吃饭幸福的面容处理成一个定格的画面，细致地描写，就会更棒哦！最后的结尾应该再次围绕幸福进行抒情，这样可以更好地切题。